IPL -5 OF 2012 !!!

Oh! No! Almost everyone was disappointed after seeing the IPL-5 Inauguration in Chennai. More or less, the inauguration looked like any Bollywood film award ceremony. In earlier versions of the IPL, there were so much FEMA dramas, kissing activities, victory hugs and late night parties’ controversies that all the Cricket lovers always used to ask the question, ‘Is it Indian Premier League or Indian Paisa League?’  No matter, how much you criticize Lalit Modi, the mastermind behind the idea of IPL, but, he really had the marketing skills to attract spectators for the IPL matches. So after the exit of Lalit Modi, somehow, BCCI was under a tremendous pressure to increase the viewers and spectators of IPL-5. 

Subrato Roy, the owner of Sahara Company recruited Saurav Ganguly as the captain of Pune Warriors India and also inaugurated the Subrato Roy Stadium in Pune with some hot Bollywood stars. Inclusion of Ganguly in IPL-5 was an automatic attraction for the people of Bengal. The match of 5^th May 2012 at Eden Gardens became a very popular match for the spectators. Mumbai Indians started the IPL-5 by defeating the defending champion team. Pune Warriors India started getting successive victories. Deccan Chargers started losing matches after matches. Ajinkya Rahane scored a terrific century to come to the limelight. The team under Adam Gilchrist won a match from the jaws of defeat against Kolkata Knight Riders.

After the 1^st leg of IPL-5, all the teams were almost neck and neck to each other except the Deccan Chargers. The open competition of IPL-5 made it more interesting. IPL-5 is all about Cricket, Cricket and Cricket; that’s why; slowly and steadily, the numbers of spectators or viewers of IPL-5 matches started increasing. In the 2^nd leg matches, Pune Warriors India started slipping away from the rat race. Rajasthan Royals under Rahul Dravid lost some close matches, though their low profile players played some excellent cricket. On the other hand, Delhi Daredevils were playing fabulous cricket to remain at the top of their table. Kolkata Knight Riders discovered a Dark Knight in their team.

The cyclonic batting of A B De Villiers was enough to outplay Dale Steyn and the Deccan Chargers. That match gave the Royal Challengers Bangalore a chance to stay in the hunt for the Play-Offs. But, in the later stage, the Deccan Chargers proved themselves to be the Demon Destroyers or Giant Killers.  Rajasthan Royals slipped. Sachin Tendulkar was honored in Eden Gardens for his 100^th 100. Not only have that; on that very same day, Mumbai Indians regained some form against the Kolkata Knight Riders to win it and revive their chance to qualify for the Play-offs. Kings XI Punjab lost an important match. Deccan Chargers won a match in Hyderabad after a long gap and that too against the Royal Challengers to deny them a place in the Play-Offs.

Dhoni and his team watched three important matches on the television set. Luckily, the results of all the three matches went into their favor and Chennai Super Kings qualified for the Play-Offs. In the first qualifier match, the power-packed batting line-up of Delhi Daredevils failed to deliver up to the mark. Kolkata Knight Riders went straight into the final. Morne Morkel turned out to be a good wicket-taker, but Sunil Narine was a good economical bowler with superb strike rate of getting wickets. Many fans of the Bangalore team were missing Chris Gayle, the Orange Cap holder in the Play-Offs. Anyway, in the Bangalore Pitch, the aggression of Harbhajan Singh’s team was not enough to beat the Captain Cool’s team.

In the 2^nd Qualifier match of IPL-5 in Chennai, Virender Sehwag kept out Morne Morkel and decided to field first after winning the toss. Umesh Yadav of Delhi Daredevils did not bowl the first over of that match and as a result, the Murali Vijay of Chennai Super Kings tasted the first blood to score the fastest century of IPL-5 in his home ground. Sehwag did not open the batting for his team and Delhi Daredevils failed to reach the final. In the IPL-5, some impressive players were Steve Smith, Lakshmipathy Balaji, Dwayne Smith, Mahela Jaywardene, Shane Watson and Umesh Yadav who remained as unsung heroes.  Ravinder Jadeja of Chennai Super Kings was just a waste of too much money.  How he got the highest bid amount?

On 27^th May 2012, Mahendra Singh Dhoni won the toss and went for batting first. All the astrologers already predicted that Dhoni will lift the IPL trophy for the third time as he has a very good luck in his favor. Narine Magic did not work on that day. All the bowlers were almost punished by the batsmen of Chennai Super Kings to score 190. Gambhir got bowled. The match was not over yet. Bisla played his natural cricket and Kallis played the sheet anchor role. Manoj and Shakib handled the pressure well at the end. With 2 balls to spare, the Kolkata Knight Riders won the final match. At the end, good and excellent Cricket have entertained everyone and the team which played better cricket than other teams surely won the “IPL-5 OF 2012.”

IPL-5 INAUGURATION !!!

It was 3^rd April 2012. All eyes were on the ‘SET MAX’ TV Channel. It was 7.30 PM. The countdown began. 10, 9, 8….3, 2, 1…oho! The Big B was on the stage with some dance performers. Amitabh Bacchan performed a superb elocution of a good motivational poem composed by Prasoon Joshi. Always take a rebirth to play cricket in India.

The drummers of the ‘1^st Project’ group came in. They were wearing no clothes in their upper portion of their body.  Then it was ‘Ravi Drummer’ with a unique hairstyle. The drums were transparent and the moment he was hitting those drums with the sticks, the drums were producing some electrical sparks. Dynamic Drums! Isn’t it!

Long time ago, two people sang a song, ‘Krishna nee de Hare…come back the allah….come back the Rama…come back and save this world.’ Yeah! Yeah! It was the ‘Colonial Cousins’. They were back again to perform on the stage, but, this time, they sang, ‘Somebody tell me…kahan hain Janabe Ali…Dil Churane wali..’

Don ko pakar na mushkil hee nahi…naamunkin hain…but, Roma was available on that special evening. ‘Saam hain….jaam hain…aaj ki raat…hona hain kya…khona hain kya…’ Well, when the Don comes back like a King, no one loses anything but gains only, though, the Don becomes a ‘Kaminey’ for his junglee billi in the midnight.

If Samir was giggling with Sidhu and Harsha while enjoying the comedy acts of Dr.Shinde, then, on the other side, Miss Vijaya and Mr. Kapoor were also keeping people engaged with the show. Gaurav kept on catching people. Some said, ‘Pune has the best stadium’. Some said, ‘I prefer Deccan chargers, not the local team.’

Chennai Super Kings won this tournament for 2 times in a row. So, they deserve some rounds of applause. The Miss Chopra started to ask some questions, but, the Cool Captain proved through his answers that he is ultimately a very Diplomatic Dhoni. The Tamil song, ‘Nakamuka’ was not enough to make them dance.

Have you heard of Bebo? Aha! Not the social networking site, but, the heroine of ‘Jab We Met’ or rather the famous ‘Chammak Challo’. Be careful about this hot and beautiful lady from the Kapoor family. Anytime, she can teach you the lessons of ‘Pyar ki Pungi’, though she may perform Modern Mujrah to give free offers of her heart.

Ok! Ok! Ok! Now, it was time for the ‘Michael Jackson of South India’ to do some ‘Mukh Kaala Muqabla’ on the stage. He was bang on target to his competitor by asking the question by himself, ‘Main aisa kyon hoon…’ and he rightly proved that he is still the No.1 dancer of South India as his name has both ‘Prabhu’ and ‘Deva’. 

Everyone was staring at a big poster on a four-wheeler. Oho! The most ‘Wanted’ ‘Bodyguard’ entered the stage in a ‘Dabaang’ style. All were ‘Ready’ to watch his performance. But, no one expected him to say that ‘Tere Naam’ se ‘Maine Pyar Kiya’; ‘Mujhse Shaadi Karogi’ because he is the Sallu Miyan, the Bad Bachelor.

Now, the former left-handed spinner and a terrific player of defensive stroke called up the Wall, the Dada, the Gauti, the Gilly, the Viru, the spinning Paaji, the Daniel, the White and the Mahi. The old ‘Dinanath Chauhan’ entered the stage to request all the captains to sign the ‘MCC pledge’, after all; Cricket is a Gentleman’s Game!

Oho!  After eating up almost all the food items in the menu, how can you forget the last item, the ice-cream? Similarly, Katy Perry entered the stage with a mixture of hot and sober dress. No one hated her but fell in love with her after seeing her lovely eyes and a good performance. Welcome to India and its “IPL-5 INAUGURATION”.

CORRUPTIONS IN THE NAME OF COMMISSIONS !!!

"WARRIORS:- ’Your Highness! Our enemies are going beyond their limits. They are testing our tolerance limits. We know that you are a very good and liberal King, but your good and humble nature is not at all scaring our enemies to attack the innocent people of our kingdom. We are waiting for your orders.'

KING:- ' Oho! Is it a sin to be a good and peace-loving King? I am confused now. How to tackle the attacks of our enemies? Our enemies are not in a mood to sign any peace treaty with us. What to do now?'

HERMIT:- ‘Your Highness! Massive destruction paves the way for new, innovative construction. If our enemies don't want to sign any peace treaty, then we hardly have any other option. We are bound to counter-attack our enemies; otherwise, the innocent people of our kingdom will get killed by them.'

KING:- 'But, I hate blood-sheds and violence. Is there no other way to defend ourselves from our enemies?'

WARRIORS:- 'Your Highness! Counter-Attack is the best Defense. If we will not get orders from you to destroy our enemies in the battlefield, then what for we have aspired to become great warriors. Order us!'

KING:- 'Ok! Destroy our enemies into ashes to create a new history of courage, brevity and patriotism.'

WARRIORS:- 'Thank you! Your Highness! We will fight till the last drops of our blood, but, next time, please make sure that we get modern Arms and Ammunitions. All the artilleries and other warfare weapons have become obsolete, which has indirectly given a big advantage to the armed forces of our enemies.'

KING:- 'What! How can they become obsolete? Is it true?'

GENERAL OF ARMED FORCES:- ‘Your Highness! Yes, it is true! Many firms have approached our armed forces and sold all their obsolete vehicles, arms, ammunitions and other warfare related things by giving around 25% commission to the top administrative committee of the Armed Forces. Even I have been offered bribes of 5000 Gold Coins with pure Hallmark for approving their deals. As an honest person, I have not taken that bribe.’

KING:- ‘The character of BHIBHISANA is more harmful than the character of RAVAANA. What should I do now?’

HERMIT:- ’Your Highness! This is a virus of ‘CORRUPTIONS IN THE NAME OF COMMISSIONS’. We will install some anti-virus in our bureaucratic level to wipe it out, though on a temporary basis, because we don’t know where the ‘Mother Program’ of this virus has been kept hidden. This may just be a tip of the ice-berg. You must be ready for other big surprises also. Now, let the warriors focus on war only both internal and external.’

KING:- ’Really! Now, I am feeling that I have been a very liberal King in my tenure and too much sweetness has caused diabetes for our kingdom. I have to become a strict King now.  Personally, I request all the common people of my kingdom to act like Whistleblowers now.’

ROYAL ASTROLOGER:- ’Your Highness! Already several Whistleblowers have given sacrifice for their honesty, loyalty and integrity towards their motherland. I can predict with 100% guarantee that Whistleblowers will stop blowing the whistle in the near future, unless you provide them full-fledged security by all means.’

KING:- ’Ok! I will provide them all the securities. Don’t worry! But, the virus of ‘CORRUPTIONS IN THE NAME OF COMMISSIONS (BRIBE)’ should be wiped out from our kingdom as early as possible; otherwise, I will be dethroned very soon. Oh! God! Please save this kingdom from corruption, if I fail in my mission!’"-Arindam Sain

HIS HUNDREDTH HUNDRED !!!

Chandidas:- Hurrah! At last! Oh! At last! He has achieved it after 33 innings from his 99^th century.

Yasodha:- That long wait for the century of centuries made this moment more special. Maybe, he was under too much pressure to achieve that feat.

Raichand:- When a batsman is on 99, usually, he plays under pressure and waste too many balls to get that single run. The same case was against the little master. But, now, he has become TONDULKAR.

Arindam:- This man, Sachin Tendulkar will remain as a terrific cricket icon for all times, because, he has taught everyone the essence and value of ‘PPP’. PPP stands for Perseverance, Performance and Professionalism. He is a masterpiece in displaying all the three qualities. After the 99^th ton, under the pressure, he neither lost his cool nor did he decide to retire. He waited patiently for the golden moment.

Heena:- But, the century came against a weak team, Bangladesh. Anybody can score a century against them.

Chandidas:- Boss, a century is a century. A performance is a performance, no matter, against which team you do it.  It is very easy to comment like that, unless you know the pain of batting in a pitch, where you have to work hard for scoring every run.

Raichand:- But, Bangladeshi batsman batted with ease. Maybe, the Indian bowlers were bowling like school-level bowlers to them. One Bengali of India, Mr. Pranab Mukherjee declared a very tough budget and on the other hand, the descendants of the Bengalis of the partitioned Bengal Province of 1911, gave too much pain to the Indian cricket team led by Mahendra Singh Dhoni in the Asia Cup of 2012.

Yasodha:- Please don’t take it otherwise, but, one thing, I have seen that in majority of ODI matches, where Sachin Tendulkar has scored centuries or made most of the runs in an innings, India has failed to win those matches.  Even in 1990’s or so, under the captaincy of Mohammad Azharuddin, everyone used to criticize Indian Cricket Team as a one-man team. If Sachin used to score some runs on the board, Indian bowlers used to get some respectable runs on the board to defend, otherwise, I have seen India losing matches against Zimbabwe and Kenya also.

Arindam:- See, Sachin Tendulkar’s dream was to win the World Cup for India. His teammates responded well to his wish, and Indian cricket team lifted the World Cup under the cool captaincy of Dhoni. Saurav Ganguly also could have achieved that feat, but, as you know, the Indian bowlers forget everything about bowling at proper line and length under pressure. Javagal Srinath, Venkatesh Prasad; all flopped against Australia in the World Cup final and Ganguly was really helpless in that regard.  The similar case was with Dhoni in the match against Bangladesh. What can Dhoni do, if his bowlers are constantly bowling badly? There was one time, when Irfan Pathan used to get natural swings in both directions. Wasim Akram was also impressed with this lad, but, that bloody Greg Chappell destroyed the talents of Irfan Pathan by trying to make him an all-rounder.

Heena:- Well! Indian Cricket Team has always been a very inconsistent team. The recent tour in Australia has proved that.  But, the Kohinoor Diamond of the International Cricket is still shining brightly. Oh! Boy! Don’t go by his height! He can beat any demons by swinging his bat. Big bowlers like Glenn McGrath, Waqar Younis, Wasim Akram, Curtly Ambrose, Courtney Walsh, Shaun Pollock, Allan Donald, Shoaib Akhtar and Brett Lee always regarded this little master as the No.1 batsman of the world.

Yasodha:- Hey, Heena! Probably, you missed out Shane Warne! The man who used to see Sachin Tendulkar hitting big sixes in his dreams also; heartiest congratulations to Sachin Tendulkar for achieving “HIS HUNDREDTH HUNDRED.”

CORRUPTION@ROOT LEVEL !!!

Mr.X:'My broker has posted a share redemption A/c Payee Cheque to my residential address by ordinary post 1 month back from Mumbai. How much time it takes to reach Kolkata? Earlier also, in many instances, I have not received the call letters of competitive exams. I went to give those exams with Call Letters downloaded from their respective websites. What's the matter! I am smelling something very fishy out here.' 

POSTMAN CUM CLERK IN POST OFFICE:'Relax! Relax! All our staffs of this Post Office know that a A/c Payee Cheque has come in your name. But, without paying something to us, how can you get that cheque.' 

Mr.X:'What the bloody hell is this? Do you know, if I complain against you, your job will be at stake!' 

HEAD CLERK OF POST OFFICE:'Hey, boss! To whom will you complain? You can prove nothing against us. We are yet to put the date seal of receipt on the envelope sent by your broker. So, we will put the date seal of that date, when you will pay the money to us. We also need to verify whether you are the correct receiver or not. There are so many frauds happening nowadays. Give us some money; then, we will not go for all those address and identity verifications of you via the Policemen.' 

Mr.X:'Actually, our postal system has the flaw. There should be a computer kiosk in every post office, where even an ordinary post will have a computer generated unique number and can be tracked through any Post Office Kiosk connected with the main server.' 

POSTMAN:'Don't give lectures! Indian Postal Service can never become so much modernized to track even an ordinary post. Give 500 bucks & take your cheque of 30,000 bucks. That's it!' 

Mr.X:'Well! Do I have any other options! Ok, take these 500 bucks and give the cheque. Now, I understand, why people always prefer Courier Services instead of Indian Postal Services, which is yet to get modernized and what to say about their staffs! Anna Hazare once rightly said, that in India, corruption starts at the very root level itself.

DON'T ACCEPT ANY OLD LPG CYLINDER !!!

Undercover Investigator:-What could have been the reason behind this massive fire outbreak?

Forensic Expert:- Everyone was saying that the entire colony beside this Ultadanga station was a very clumsy area to live. All the electric wires were hooked and there were no proper wiring done neither by the CESC nor KMDA/KMC.

Undercover Investigator:-  So, you want to say that the fire broke out due to the short circuit of electric wires.

Forensic Expert:- There was a short –circuit, but, that was not so much to cause the deadly fire. Before the short-circuit incident, at least 3 big gas cylinders have burst in some kitchens. The fire broke out from the LPG cylinders burst and then as all the houses had the typical black colored plastic (Tirpol), it made the situation worse. If fire catches a plastic, it is very difficult to control that fire.

Undercover Investigator:- Everywhere in India, nowadays, the LPG cylinders are bursting now and then. Last week only, in Powai area of Mumbai, there was a similar case. The couples were lucky that they were not in their apartment, when the gas cylinder started bursting.  Are the newly married Indian housewives/home-makers not learning how to operate a gas cylinder?

Forensic Expert:- The problem is not with the housewives or home-makers. The problem lies with the LPG cylinder suppliers. They will just supply the gas cylinders at your doorstep, but what is the guarantee that those gas cylinders are safe?

Undercover Investigator:- Hmm…that’s a problem!

**************

Arindam:- Why you people are not sending some people in our house. I have complained to you people for several times that the LPG oven and the gas pipe are leaking gases, when the knobs are turned off also.

Personnel of Bharat Gas Office:- Look! We don’t send any person to inspect our customers’ LPG cylinders or ovens.

Arindam:- So, if there is a cylinder burst in the kitchen of your customers, you people have no responsibility in that. You people are supplying all those old LPG cylinders which are very risky. Those cylinders can burst anytime. That is ok?

Personnel of Bharat Gas Office:-  Hey boss, I don’t want to argue with these silly things. As far as I know, in a gas cylinder burst, no one dies. Maybe, there will be some minor injuries. Hey, Sushanta, give him a ‘Suraksha’ pipe which costs 170 bucks.

Arindam:- You are eager to sell your ‘Suraksha’ pipe of 170 bucks but still you will not send a personnel from your office to inspect the gas oven and pipe in our kitchen. Ok, one day, when you will be in a similar kind of trouble, then only you will realize your faults.

***************

Sanjay:- My mother and wife have died inside the kitchen due to the burst of the gas cylinder. Actually, the gas cylinder was too old. The cylinders were of January 2009 and it is August 2010 now.

Police Inspector:-  Who supplies these LPG cylinders? Oh! The company name is ‘Bharat Gas’. Don’t they send anyone to inspect their customers’ LPG connections after every month?

Sanjay:- I am; myself, a personnel of ‘Bharat Gas’ office! I was under the impression that the old LPG cylinders are not at all risky. Last week only, I argued with a customer about this topic.  Had I taken that matter seriously, today my mother and wife would have been alive.

Police Inspector:- Really, the Supreme Court should make a strict law for you such personnel of any LPG company. The law should be such that if any of your customers dies or gets injured due to the bursting of that gas cylinder which has been delivered from your office, then you will be put behind the bars for 6 months and your company has to give a compensation of 1 lakh rupees to the victim.  From our Indian Police Department, we will also request the Central Government to spread the awareness among the LPG customers in India that, “DON’T ACCEPT ANY OLD LPG CYLINDER” from the LPG cylinder delivery man. Always check the date and year of the LPG cylinder before accepting it. If the date of the cylinder is more than 6 months old than the date of delivery, then just refuse it and order for a new cylinder. If they don’t supply the new cylinder within a week, just lodge an FIR.

ALL BANK EMPLOYEES SHOULD HAVE A COMPUTERIZED BAR-CODED ID CARD !!!

Gautam:- In 2010 itself, till date, 246 cases of bank loots have taken place in India, which is around 1.79% higher than 2009. In this year, the numbers of bank loots have increased in the remote rural areas. Moreover, the banks in the Maoist infested areas have hardly any safety vaults in their branches due to the fear of getting looted. PSU banks are the main target in India. Hardly, you will hear that a private bank has been looted. I really don’t know the secret behind it. Are PSU banks having more money in their safety vaults than the private banks?

Sangeeta:- The number of internet banking customers are more in the cases of private banks. Therefore, to perform any business transaction, those customers only need either a laptop or a mobile handset with an internet connection. Those customers don’t need to visit the branches of the bank physically and hence it becomes comparatively easier for the private bank administrators to handle some handful of customers visiting their branches. Many customers in India are not in favor of keeping their valuables in the safety vaults of a private bank. Even, many customers don’t even open their savings account in any private bank. That’s why; these private banks target the people who get newly recruited to any MNC. The moment you get recruited to any private company, the company on your behalf opens up a salary account for you as per the partnership norms with some private banks like ICICI Bank. The numbers of customers are more in any PSU Bank and its major chunk comprises of people who are in the age bracket of 35 to 75 years. Private Banks have more customers who are in the age bracket of 20 to 30 years. When a customer thinks about securing his savings, he starts shifting his money to a PSU Bank account. That’s why; many private banks are coming out with innovative plans where your savings account can also partly act either as a mutual fund account or a Provident Fund account. That is, if you have 10,000 bucks in your savings account, then at maximum, you can invest 50% of that Rs.10,000/- in mutual fund or in provident fund. Don’t worry, the bank will manage your portfolio in such a manner that you always gain profit or reach break-even point even in the time of recession.

Arindam:- Ha ha ha…Hey, Sangeeta, I know that you are working in a private bank as a fund manager. There is no need to do the marketing of your bank accounts in front of us. Boss, Gautam, I think that the security system of any Bank in India is just pathetic. I have hardly seen any hidden cameras installed in a bank, especially in the PSU banks of rural areas. Moreover, the security guards of the bank has no mobile phone, walky-talky or arms. In any MNC, the administration hires security guards from the reputed security agencies or companies. But, in case of banks, I can only see some constable-type guards with a huge tummy and a lazy attitude. Employees of any bank should have a fixed uniform like it is there in the manufacturing companies.

Gautam:- No one will accept that proposal. In India, no one wants to wear a uniform in their workplaces.

Arindam:- You make it a mandatory rule, people will automatically follow it, because they have to earn a living by doing job in any of the company.

Sangeeta:- But, why employees of a company will have an uniform?

Arindam:- It is for security purpose. The moment you will see that uniform, you can make out that this person is an employee of this particular PSU Bank. Moreover, the safety vaults should be kept in a separate room with a separate entrance altogether. There should be 3 entrances. One to go towards bank counters, second to go towards the safety vaults and the third one is towards bank manager’s room. No customers will be allowed to enter inside the bank if they don’t show the passbook of the particular bank’s branch to the security guard. To open a new account, people need to talk with the agents inside an enclosure, outside the bank to complete all formalities. Lastly, “ALL BANK EMPLOYEES SHOULD HAVE A COMPUTERIZED BAR-CODED ID CARD” which should be swiped before entering inside the bank.