FINAL SETTLEMENTS OF MAHINDRA SATYAM

Arindam: - Oho, you have resigned, why?

Shivani: - I was in the Corporate Reserve only. So, naturally, the HR people of Mahindra Satyam have forced me to resign.

Tuhina: - But, you were in the HR department only. I mean, you were in CoRCC only. You were looking after the resource allocations in all the projects under JAVA competency unit.

Shivani: - All the clients are withdrawing their projects. So, in which project will I allocate the resources. Anyway, this forceful resignation is a blessing in disguise for me. Whenever, I used to say to any person that I work in the HR department of Mahindra Satyam, automatically, I felt that those persons are not giving me any respect at all. People are all aware of the fact that the HR people of Mahindra Satyam are indirectly terminating the jobs of many employees.

Rahul: - You have got job in another reputed IT company as an ‘Associate Consultant’. Congrats for that. I am still in virtual pool. My job will get terminated on 18^th December 2009. Can you please tell me one thing? Have you got your final settlement processed?

Shivani: - Arrey, yaar, why do you expect that Satyam people are so nice to you? I resigned from Mahindra Satyam in June 2009 and it is now November 2009, I am yet to get my final settlement, especially the PF transfer funds.

Tuhina: - See, we also wrote a mail to Raghu_B regarding this matter. He has sent the .pdf files of Form 19, Form 10C for PF withdrawal, and Form 13 for PF transfer.

Arindam: - But, have you noticed the trick played by Raghu_B? He wrote in that mail that you cannot write the reasons for PF withdrawal as ‘Retrenched from job’ or ‘Getting commission due the Dispute Act 0f 1947’ or ‘There are no provisions of PF in the company where you have recently joined’. Now, if you look at the proper instruction sheet for the PF withdrawal, there it is clearly mentioned that you should provide the exact reason, whichever is applicable, while filing for the PF withdrawal. Now, if you don’t mention ‘Retrenched from job’ and ‘There are no provisions of PF in the company where you have recently joined’, then you are left with only two reasons ‘Retirement from service’ or ‘Mentally and physically handicapped to do any job’. It is quite obvious that you cannot mention the two latter reasons while filing the PF withdrawal, as you are not retiring from your job. On the other hand, if you mention ‘Retrenched from job’, even if your job is terminated from Mahindra Satyam, then this bloody company will block your PF withdrawal. Hence, they will not provide you, your PF money.

Shivani: - Arrey, forget about PF withdrawal, they are not even giving me the PF transfer funds, LTA and medical claims so easily, which I should get as per the final settlement norms of Mahindra Satyam.

Rahul: - Why have you not complained about it to the CFO and to C.P. Gurnani, the MD of Mahindra Satyam?

Shivani: - I have already mailed about it to the CFO. But, it is of no use. Both the MD and CFO are not taking any fruitful steps to clear all the final settlements.

Arindam: - The problem is not with the CFO or C.P.Gurnani. They are doing their jobs well. I know the people of Finance Department very well. When, I was working for GE accounts, even I had some real fights with some finance people. Why Ramalinga Raju’s fraud was a success? The secret lies with the top-notch people in the Finance department only. They are expert in manipulating figures. They will not clear any money so easily. CFO is giving them the pressures, but it is the lower and middle level finance people of Mahindra Satyam who are not performing their duty well. They are intentionally delaying the clearings of final settlements.

Tuhina: - Yeah, these people of Finance department will delay the payments and all other transactions, and for that reason, everyone will start pointing fingers at the HR people only. Many a times, an associate always boasts at the HR managers like us. Arrey, if Finance department is not providing them the money, then what can we do there.

Arindam: - Please don’t mind, Tuhina. But, in Mahindra Satyam, there are three lobbies which are arch-rivals of each other. The Project Delivery Team, the Finance Team, and the HR Team are always fighting with each other like WWF wrestlers and as a result, no one is getting the “FINAL SETTLEMENT OF MAHINDRA SATYAM.”

DON'T IGNORE SMALL COMPANIES

Saikat: - What are you saying, boss. You are going to join a small company. I have never heard the name of this company also.

Vikram: - I have no other alternative. Already the HR people of Mahindra Satyam are forcing me to resign from my job; otherwise, they will issue a forceful termination letter, which may hamper my entire career.

Piyali: - Yeah, yeah…the whole world knows that Mahindra Satyam is having one of the worst HR policies of the world. Not only have that, the HR managers of this company are cunning in nature and who knows, maybe, they are still doing some corruption here and there.

Arindam: - Aaha, Piyali, there is no point in talking about the bloody HR people of Mahindra Satyam. It is like beating the old drums. Everyone knows the Satyam issue. Anyway, Vikram, what is the job role, this company is going to provide you?

Vikram: - Well, they are giving me the post of ‘Functional Consultant’, which is not bad at all. They are also willing to pay me CTC of 4.5 lacs per annum. As a management executive in Mahindra Satyam, I used to get only 20,000 bucks per month. I have never got any variables also. So, it is better to join that company.

Saikat: - But, you will lose the brand, man. Satyam was a brand itself, maybe that is why, they were paying you less salary.

Manoj: - Will you go to heaven with that brand name? Look at me, I am an employee of TCS. If you ask me anything about any programming language, I will be unable to tell you anything. It is not that, I don’t get good salary and variables. It is not that TCS is not a good brand, but still I am not satisfied. Why? It is only because of the fact that I am in bench for last 9 months, after my joining in this company. Every day, I go to the Sector –V office. I go to the TCS gym, I drink tea and gossip with my bench colleagues and then I come back home.

Piyali: - that is quite good, yaar. You are getting money without doing any hard work.

Arindam: - To a certain extent, it looks good. But, after some time, you realize that somewhere you are losing your own competency level. See, in this competitive world, you need to have continuous learning or up gradation of your skills.

Saikat: - But, every company provides some internal training for their employees to upgrade their skills.

Manoj: - There is a hell and heaven difference between theory and practical. The things, which you learn, while you are doing the job, are your real experience. Learning about project management from a book of ‘Pressman’ and doing project management in a real-time project is not the same thing.

Piyali: - Nowadays, due to market recession, all the companies have fired many people. They only kept critical resources in their company and increased the employee utilization rate to 85%. So, that proves that the employees are becoming competent and flexible enough to do any kind of job.

Arindam: - The standard employee utilization rate should is 65%. Boss, humans are not machines. Due to recession, many companies are utilizing their employees, as if they are crushing the sugarcane. But, one thing, I must appreciate that in a big company, as an employee, you feel yourself as a small leaf floating in the ocean. No matter, how much effort you give, you don’t get recognized or never get any reward for that.

Manoj: - Exactly, I agree to your statement. Whereas, in a small company, there may be only few employees, but with lots of responsibilities, respect and dignity. Not only have that, you get to learn many new things, which you could have ever explored or discovered, if you would have been in any new company. Today, brand is not important at all, because everyone knows that in this recession market, any branded company can go bankrupt due to bad strategic decisions.

Saikat: - So, indirectly, you people are saying that if a person gets employment in a branded company, then he is losing the opportunity cost in terms of salary and technical competencies in comparison to an employment in any small company.

Vikram: - Yes, of course. When you are working in a small company, you are spending time inside a submarine to know about the ocean and its characteristics much faster. At later stages of life, when you want to settle down in a big company, just jump to a ship. So, better, “DON’T IGNORE SMALL COMPANIES.”

INDIAN INTELLIGENCE INSTITUTE (THE THIRD EYE)

Rajat: - Welcome to our institute. You are now going to start your training here for 7 days. In these 7 days, you will learn all the techniques and rules, to make you an efficient informer of our Intelligence Team.

Shiva: - Sir, is it our permanent job? I mean to say that, will we get a fixed salary for this job?

Rajat: - No, this is a part-time job. You will be working with our team on a contractual basis or in flexible mode. You will act as a backup for the entire team, without letting others know about it. You are like a shadow of our team, but having a great amount of impact for any major operations. Don’t worry about the money. If you can provide us right information at the right time, which will help us to avoid any major crisis, then money will not be a constraint for you. Many a times, you can get award from us too.

Arindam: - Are we going to get any licensed revolver to protect ourselves from terrorists or anti-socials?

Rajat: - No, not at all. Our Indian law does not permit that. But, there is no need to worry. I can understand that there will be situations where you people have to enter the areas of anti-socials and perform the job of a detective. They may attack you; it is quite possible. That is why; we will provide you these small gadgets. These gadgets look like small rings, but they have strong vibrating alarm system. You will wear this ring. See here, there is a small red button on this ring. When you will press it, automatically, our Special Encounter Team will know your location. Now, look at this ‘Ship’ matchbox. Inside this matchbox, there are no matchsticks. It contains a small rectangular device, known as ‘Danale’. Whenever you are in great danger, just press it and hide yourself in that anti-social area. Our team will gradually enter that area and start the encounter very peacefully.

Mohan: - But, how will we get the confirmation about that?

Rajat: - There is a small screen in that ‘Danale’ gadget. Can you see that? Just press the button of that gadget. See, here in my pocket, I am having the ‘Radan’ gadget, where I can see your latitude and longitudinal position and my gadget is vibrating with the red light on. That means I got the signal that you are in danger. Now, I just need to press the button of the ‘Radan’ button.

Shiva: - Wow, it is displaying a message on the screen of ‘Danale’ gadget that, ‘Relax, we are coming.’

Rajat: - Don’t worry about it. Our Encounter team will always be in touch with you. Now, let me come to the decoding and encoding part. See, nowadays, terrorists are using software to hide their real message. For example, if a terrorist sends a mail to his entire gangmen with the title ‘DELHI’ and an attached .RAR file with it, then what will you understand from that.

Arindam: - Very simple; the terrorists are planning to attack the Parliament House of Delhi and all their strategies and plans are provided in that .RAR file only.

Rajat: - Ha ha ha. 96% people of the Police Department will think it that way only and they will put Delhi city on high alert. They will start focusing on Delhi only. However, the plans of the terrorists are totally different. Their plan may be to target Mumbai city and all the pictures of main spots of that city may be in that .RAR file only. Now, if the password to open that .RAR file is 0405120809, then you can surely encode it as ‘DELHI’. D comes at 4th position, followed by E in 5th position in English alphabet.

Mohan: - Ok, that is encoding and decoding part. But, before we start proper decoding, we need to have a proper clue, otherwise it will fail. So, how we will get that information?

Rajat: - It is a very silly but at the same time a good question too. How to get a clue? Lower level people from a rickshaw-puller to kaamwali bai, they have the real and authentic information. If you need to get success as a good informer of our Indian Intelligence team ,then you need to make friendship with them, motivate them by providing money, to grab the information about any people in any locality. Anyway, don’t take too much pressure on your first day only. Within the rest 6 days, you will get to know in details about this “INDIAN INTELLIGENCE INSTITUTE.”

BAN THE COW SLAUGHTERING

Shaili: - Hello viewers, you are watching your favorite show “NDTV Animal Interview” and I am Shaili Chopra. Today, we are in front of a famous temple in the outskirts of Hyderabad city. Here, as you can see that villagers are celebrating ‘GAU MATAA’ Puja, that is the worship of cow. The name of this cow is Mohini. Hello, Mohini jee, so how are you feeling now?

Mohini: - Well, I am feeling great. The villagers are really giving me good respect out here.

Shaili: - But, why these Hindu people always give respect to a cow and worship them? They don’t worship any other animal.

Mohini: - See, our Mother Nature has created us to serve the humans only. Every part of our body is useful for the humans. Even our shit, popularly known as ‘Gobar’ in India, is of utmost importance. These villagers have utilized it very efficiently to install Gobar Gas plants here in this village only.

Shaili: - Yeah, that is true that a cow is a useful animal. How can we ignore the cow’s milk?

Mohini: - See, God is great. I am just the avatar of God. God created me to provide milk to the humans. Today, I am proud to see that people of India have utilized our milk to such an extent, that the whole world praises about our dairy products. In Andhra Pradesh, the products of Vijaya Diary are very good, but I think that the best one is still the Amul products. Gujarat people should be proud of that.

Shaili: - In Bihar, Jharkhand and West Bengal, cows have very good respect.

Mohini: - Oh, yes, of course, especially in Bihar, we are treated like humans only. Even Laloo Prasad Yadav loves cows very much. The milk products of Bihar are not bad at all. We are also grateful to Ramprakash Mehra to show the ‘GAU MATAA’ puja in his film ‘Dilli 6’.

Shaili: - This is only a brighter side of the story, where the Hindu people are respecting you as the avatar or God, but on the other hand, there are Muslims who always slaughter the cows. What you want to say about that?

Mohini: - Yeah, Muslims are fond of red meats and their culture is still like the barbarians of medieval ages. Their psychology and lifestyle have not improved at all. I have no complaints against the ‘Khandaani’ Muslims, because they are modern and educated. They don’t like the slaughtering of animals also. But, the real problem lies with the other sections of the Muslims, who are uneducated and barbarians. That concept of ‘Halaal’ itself proves that they are like ‘Jallads’ only. If a cow does not die after their two and a half style of halaal technique, then they leave that cow in that condition only to die with sheer pain.

Shaili:- But, whenever the Hindus have protested against the Muslims regarding the cow slaughtering issue, these Muslims have replied by saying that it is clearly mentioned in their Quran that a Muslim should always slaughter a cow during their Eid or Muharram festivals.

Mohini: - It is absolutely false and baseless. Nowhere in the Quran, it is mentioned that a Muslim should slaughter a cow. It is those Maulvis, who have preached all these false things. Actually, in the time of Aurangzeb, the Muslims started to slaughter cows to intentionally hurt the sentiments of the Hindus, especially to the followers of Shivaji. I really hate these Muslims. These Muslims are also not aware of the fact that eating our meats causes many diseases for their body. Even Doctor also prescribes not to eat any red meats at all. You will find many peculiar and incurable diseases in Muslim community only, because they consume red meats. But for their diseases, the whole society has to suffer.

Shaili: - What are the steps taken by the Hindu people all over the world to stop these kinds of cow slaughtering?

Mohini: - Yeah, worldwide, the Hindus are protesting against it and it is a necessity also. We are grateful to VHP (Viswa Hindu Parishad) and RSS (Rastriya Swayamsevak Sangha) to take this initiative. On 15^th November only, there is a ‘Gau Mata’ Puja festival at Nampally Exhibition Ground from 4.30 PM. You people can also attend that program to protest against cow slaughtering by the Muslims.

Shaili: - Thanks a lot Mohini jee, for spending time with us and for your valuable feedbacks. The Indian Government should “BAN THE COW SLAUGHTERING,” as early as possible. Viewers, we will see you again in the next episode, till then, Good Bye.

BENGALI PEOPLE HAVE THE SWEETEST BLOOD

Mitali: - Almost every day, I see you standing in front of that Marwari shop and eating the Haryana jalebis from a food stall. Satyi, Arindam daa, roj roj etoh misti kheyo naa, diabetes hoye jaabey jeh…

Arindam: - Na na kichu hobey na.

Bharadwaj: - Nahi boss, you should control your habit of eating sweets every day.

Arindam: - Arrey, the price of jalebis are only 30 bucks per kilo. Every day, I eat jalebis of 5 bucks and that too of kadak style, that means the jalebis are very thin and crispy in size.

Bharadwaj: - sahi mein, tum bangalee log kitna sweets khatey ho yaar.But, still nothing happens to you people.

Mitali: - Hey, Pankaj, just keep your mouth shut. Don’t start criticizing about our Bengali people.

Arindam: - le halua, now I don’t fight for this silly reason.

Bharadwaj: - arrey, yeh toh roj ki baath hain. I am born and brought up in Jaipur. When I say something to her about our Jaipur and the culture of Rajasthan, she starts quarrelling and starts telling me about his Bengal. Really, Bengal is a crazy place. People are always gossiping, eating sweets, samosas and egg rolls. They even fight with each other at Salt Lake Stadium, while watching the football match between Mohun Bagan and East Bengal.

Arindam: - ha ha ha…yeah, that is true. You may not be satisfied in your professional life, but your personal life will always rock, if you are in Bengal, but provided that you have not become a prey of that bloody CPI(M) party members. Ei , Mitali, ebaar naaki, CPI(M) matro ekta seat peyeche; satyi naaki?

Mitali: - haan Arindam daa, CPI (M) er pooro pechon mere suyiye deowa hoechey…2011 tey amar mone hoye TMC power e tey asbey…

Bharadwaj: - Arrey, what are you people speaking in Bengali? I don’t understand anything. Uff, these Bengali girls are always in a quarrelling mood and they are very active in politics also.

Arindam: - But, one thing you must appreciate that Bengali girls are the most caring in nature and they are sweet too. If you ask anyone in India, they will give the first ranking to a Bengali girl and then to a Mallu girl. Whether you agree or not, but the real fact is that, we the Bengali people do not like spicy foods. We love sweets and we have an entirely different type of dishes, which is liked by all. Ghotis, the people of undivided Bengal used to cook foods with less spice. Their favorite dish is still the Chingri Malai Curry. After the partition of Bengal, the people of East Bengal came and settled in Kolkata. They are expert in cooking spicy foods and as a Ghoti, I also like those delicious Bangaal dishes like Hilsha Curry and many others. If I get a good girl of East Bengal, who knows how to cook those lovely dishes, I will marry her. It hardly matters, that I am a Ghoti, he he he…

Mitali:- Satyi, Arindam daa…ebaarey ekta biye koreyi falo…oi tomar Non-Bengali girlfriend takey charo…ota ekta idiot…Marry only a Bengali girl….accha, tobey misti taa kam khaao…ki teley oi jilipi bhajchey…kono thik achey…

Bharadwaj: - uff, you Bengali people have a very bad habit. If you find another person, who is a Bengali, you people just start gossiping in Bengali with such an excitement and joy…really, you people love your mother tongue too much.

Arindam: - Bhai Pankaj; Bengali is the 3^rd sweetest language of the world, after Urdu and French. It is the mother tongue of Rabindranath Tagore and Bankimchandra Chattopadhay. One upon a time, Bankimchandra did not even read a letter from his Bengali friend, because it was written in English. Bengali people always consumes 23% more sweets on a weekly basis than any other non-Bengali people, but still the numbers of diabetic patients are less in Bengal. It is because of the only reason that in our sweets, we use only milk, whereas in the sweets of north-western India, they use lots of pure Ghee. This pure ghee is more deadly than the sugar used in any sweets. Ghee helps in increasing cholesterol and sugar level of your body also. Since childhood, Bengali people are immune to sweets. There are even people who have a bad habit of eating sweets after their dinner. Without eating the sweet, they cannot go to sleep.

Mitali: - taah jaa bolecho Arindam daa…amar jethu toh misti naa kheley ghumoteyi paarey naa…amader barir refrigerator e teh pantuaa aar rasogollah r stock sab samay thake…ami o majhey moddhey du ekta jhepey diyi maairi…jethu kichu bujhtey paarey naa…

Arindam: - tor jhyatu sab ee bujhtey paarey…tokey bhalobashey toh, tai kichu boley naa...anyway Pankaj, I hope that you have understood the basic funda that “BENGALI PEOPLE HAVE THE SWEETEST BLOOD.”

CHINA IS THE NO.1 THREAT FOR INDIA !!!

Vaibhav: - Today, in our Mandal (Meeting) of our RSS (Rastriya Swayamsevak Sangha), we have Prasanna ji, to speak about a new topic of discussion. Prasanna ji, please start the discussion.

Prasanna: - Ya, thanks Vaibhav. Hello everybody, today, I want to tell you people about China. See, many people are not aware about the Chinese tactics. Today, for saving our pocket money, we buy cheap electronic goods of China, but those products are not of good quality. We regard those products as ‘Use & Throw’ products, but still we will buy it. Net result, China is flooding the Indian market with their low quality cheap products. These Chinese people are planning to do the market penetration and then it will create a situation, where customers will always tend to buy a Chinese product. Maybe, that is why; Indian Government has done the right thing to ban all those bad quality Chinese mobile phones.

Arindam: - Accha, I have heard that China is planning to attack on India by 2012. Is it true?

Prasanna: - They are attacking us now only. In Aksai Chin territory, their military people are firing bullets at our Indian shepherds. Already, they have started claiming Arunachal Pradesh as their territory. They are giving training to Myanmar terrorists group by brainwashing them that all mongoloid people should unite to form their own country. At least, this Congress Government is taking strong stands against China.

Avinash: - Why, China is becoming so bullish on us. Are they scared of the fact that within 2020, our economy will be stronger than Chinese economy?

Ravi: - Have you people ever seen any Chinese manuscript. It is written from top to bottom in a single line, which states that the Chinese civilization still follows the rule of medieval age, where the main motto is the expansion of land, like the Huns used to do in those days. I hope that you people have heard the name of Attila the Hun and Chengiz Khan. Now, our Indian manuscript is written from left to right side, and in each letters, you would find there is a straight line in the middle, which is a symbol of separating spirituality with reality. That directly proves that Indian civilization has always believed in the policy of ‘Live and let live’ with a peaceful co-existence, and maybe that is why, the other civilizations took advantage of it.

Arindam: - Why China government is having objections for the visit of Dalai Lama in Arunachal Pradesh? Dalai Lama is a very peaceful man.

Avinash: - I think that China is eyeing to conquer Tibet to have full control on India in the near future.

Prasanna: - Yes, you are right. See, China does not want any other Dalai Lama. After the death of a Lama, another person is appointed in that post. The follower gets the reincarnation of God by dreaming about the former Lama and his teachings. However, China wants this Dalai Lama to be the last Lama of Tibet.

Ravi: - See, whether China is conquering Tibet or Taiwan; the main problem is that this Chinese Government wants to tame India. They are installing ballistic missiles near the Indian border. They are displaying their huge military forces to show India, that their military power is very strong. In 1962, India lost the war against China, because at that time, the Indian Government was confused that whether they should have a good number of military people or not, as India is a peaceful country. Later, the entire think-tank changed. Full credit goes to Indira Gandhi. She changed the entire psychological views and emphasized more on showing the Indian military power to the whole world.

Prasanna: - Not only land conquest, China is even grabbing our jobs in IT sector. Nowadays, they are providing trainings on English language to their young generation. They are even acquiring big mines also. In manufacturing sector also, they are constantly trying to make tie-ups with African countries.

Vaibhav: - So, from now on, all Indians should stand united to ignore all those low quality Chinese products. Our military stands should be very strong against those Chinese soldiers. Even, China is investing money on Pakistan and Sri Lanka to create problems for India. Ancient Indian civilization always ruled over Chinese civilization and now they want to show dominance on us.

Arindam: - China is trying to utilize Nepal in a very effective way to claim Sikkim as their territory. Remember, one thing, if Sikkim goes to China, then they will control the main trading nodal point of north-eastern India. That is why; our Indian Defence and Air Force should be aware of the fact that “CHINA IS THE NO.1 THREAT FOR INDIA.”